i look across the city as i stand on a small hill one of the few in this expanse of buildings and automobiles, my gaze drifts along the streets and alleyways, the sights are new to me, in a way and old at the same time. Before he lived in a world of smiling sun flowers and shiny sunlight , the people and buildings around him had all been blank featureless cut outs , a part of the back ground , they talked to him and he responded but never really understood them.
and then there were those moments of darkness , where he knew nothing he saw nothing , he was..... nothing
And those where the moments i lived for, those moments when the shell pulled back , the curtain rises and i step out onto the stage gazing upon his paper world and i see it. i see the real underneath the happy facade , i see the ugly world as it is.
i hate it , i revile it its happy smiles and desperate hearts underneath, all the lies and betrayals.
i feel them on the street, junkies on the street dying slowly , a woman being raped two alleyways over , i feel it taste it
insanity and hate it bores its way into me and i welcome it every time i swallow it whole and spit it back out feeding the city its own malice, like a mamma bird feeding chicks of hate
i raise my hands to the air and if i had a face under my mask , i would of smiled. it was time to start the show the orchestra was warming up in the wings the sweet music of screams a welcome start to my show . i growl like the beast i am
now though now the world was different , no scratch that i was different i was new my eyes wide open the rose colored blinders pulled away , i was seeing things how they were.
there was so much to learn so much to understand .. faces i'd never recognized , names i could remember, it was terrifying and beautiful.
and deep inside i felt it something other ...not me but me all the same, it was trapped at the moment trapped in an egg only feebly pushing against its shell . And it was changing as well slowly so slowly bit by bit this other me was becoming new as well
and i hated every minuet of it, my beauty had always been my unconquered might and furious power, i had been a storm the lighting of my madness striking where it would , now .. now though i feel it .. nibbling nibbling on the edge of my self of my lack of sanity.. i get flashes ,flashes of comprehension. and i weep in this egg this prison of rebirth the other me has me trapped in .
and i hate it every stinking moment of rebirth i rage and i scream but still i change
im unsure what i am , what i shall become ..
i look around and i see , i see the people i know there names and even have friends now.
i don't understand prayer , if i did i might start now
id pray the beast sleeps for ever or is changed before it awakens again
if i was so weak as to need prayer id pray.. pray that the shell cracks and my show begins again that innocence might die, that the Magician of smiles might preform eternal
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