---- Headlines and Stories ----
Protectorate and the Disco Ball of Doom---
A crystalline entity seemed to want to hand out free gems at the mall yesterday, though the delivery was fatal to a few civilians. The attack was put down by a large contingent of Protectorate, and a seemingly unlicensed meta. A shape-shifting, meta who assisted without a warden permit seems to have taken fire, though little is known of their condition at the moment. An arrest was not made on the being who started the rock show... as she managed to blow out all the windows, further adding to the damages, then fled the scene at high speed and is still at large. Protectorate officers were seen checking for licenses, though no new arrests were reported
Hell Guard and the Five Commandments---
The Protectorate Chief recently issued proclamations that stated, among other things, that they wanted to find the attacker of one of their on duty officers. According to Protectorate Officer, Sybil, "Those were... The attempted murder of an Protectorate Officer.", "The casino assault? It wouldn't look good on us to let something that high profile just go by without contention, you know?", she started by saying, then went on "On [the] topic of the assault on the Officer" - Subjects still at large, The Officer has made a full recovery, currently on duty." and declined to comment further on the matter of the officer.
As for the rest of the proclamations, she had this to offer. "I all just about forgot about the vandalizing.... there have been two times that we have some minor defacing in recent history, once, well... Did involve bodily products, upon the Protectorate bill board. It was replaced in short order. Another ended up cleaving the sign above where we're standing with a heated weapon of some sort, laser eyes, super heated sword, who knows."
A relatively unknown villain firebombed the Firefly Media building's lobby, and would have gotten away with it if not for the brave heroes of the city, in the process, saving the lives and preventing any major damage to the building.
PAE on the Case ---
PAE was seen recently in a standoff with unknown person or persons. although a bomb was reported, there was no explosion, and PAE Personnel carried off something in a large floating crate towards the end of the situation.
Industrial Accident ----
A fight in the industrial district near the chemical plant had fiery and explosive end. Rumors are Protectorate and PAE were involved. The chemical suffered massive damage and a warehouse burned, sending chemical fumes into our air, the incident concluded with one person in custody.
---- Local Interest----
Takamachi Mikoto, Head of PAE, was injured once again, by an unknown assailant near her work. She was rushed to the hospital, though has been released and has returned to work. charges won't be pressed, though police seem to have had a suspect in the attack.
The Perez Museum is holding a local artists showing, and are asking for original artwork submissions to replace the art that was damaged during a recent attack.
---- Media -----
on the most recent The Lois Ryan Lee Show- Talk Radio, the Hostess rips web of doubt off of Spider-Punisher. here is an excerpt
"The people of this city aren't intimidated by you, sir. You are clearly mentally ill. You need a -doctor- to get rid of these delusions. You've got some kinda of childhood trauma, I get it. It's sad. But you refuse to get help, and that is on your sir."
Meanwhile, on Celestial Stargazing, Lexus Regal gets intimate with Stamina
Here is what to expect:
Lexus Regal grins wide as she leans on the table. Her ample breasts displayed nicely as she wiggles in her chair. "Never tire out? Oh like wow. So you really can go all night over and over huh? Mmmm I like that."
---- CCPD/Protectorate ----
Help is requested for information leading to the arrest and capture of the following individuals
CCPD Still searching for Criminals who Broke the House at the Flame Casino
Police are asking for help in locating the criminals who attacked our beloved gambling hall earlier in the month, if you know anything that would be helpful, please contact them.
Villain known as Glacier is wanted in conjunction with the Casino attack.
CCPD requests info leading to the arrest of an unnamed individual responsible for defacing the CCPDHQ
No arrests reported
----Gossip Column ----
Two bright flashes of light were seen in different parts of town this week, just moments between them. Locals are starting to ask if it is some new attack, or weapons design. no damage was reported, and no injuries... just what were those strange lights?
Rumor on the street is ripe with mention of a possible impending war between PAE and the Protectorate. To alleviate this, Officer Sybil of the Protectorate was quick to offer the following:
"Well... Hopefully it won't happen" she started, then went on to say "It would be a very short affair if it did transpire, the wardens should be on our side. " adding "hide in your basements if a fight starts up inside your neighborhood- Rescuers would then be able to recover you" and finally closing with " [you] likely won't be pursued into your home intentionally. Optimistically."
On the lighter side of the gossip fence, word is spreading, although it may just be a rumor, that the Protectorate may be putting out a cheesecake calendar... when asked about it, Officer Sybil of the Protectorate "Ohh, that is an idea- I'd have to cover it with my boss, hm... maybe I could get both April and October?"
----Classifieds and Advertisements----
XXXCelsior Strip Club Grand Reopening
Saturday June 3, come down and see the new layout, and the staff.
Performance by Lady Jezebel at 6pm ((slt))
Undecided about the future?
Come "Into The Void" For a introductory free Tarot reading.
Other services include potions, fertility spells, rituals and so on and so forth.
You've tried the best science has to offer, now try something truly magical.
Wanted: Professional Dominatrixes:
XXXcelsior club is now actively seeking a few individuals with experience in a dominant role. Shifts will be primarily late evenings, hefty pay, all resources provided. No need to provide sex to clients. Contact Mika or Lady N at the club for interviews.
Wanted part time help... must be beefy, and dumb
wanted: Part time Villain's Lacky: must be a Beefy Pretty boy, who has trouble thinking for themselves.. must have no shame, great 'warped' sense of humor, be motivated, dedicated, and have no fashion sense... Uniform will be provided... and expected to be worn during capers. Must hate all other sources of Authority. to apply leave resume behind newsstand crayon written is fine. Mullets and sideburns a plus.
Wanted by the Protectorate: Glacier
Villain known as Glacier is wanted in conjunction with the Casino attack. Glacier was observed killing civilians and is considered extremely dangerous. If spotted, call Protectorate for backup. If captured, bring to Protectorate HQ for acquisition reward.
The early edition of this paper claims that arrests were recorded for
Stunner of the Celestials
Stamina of the Celestials
Anna-Kate Harper of firefly
This was a mistake, in no way would this paper ever intend to beseech the good names of Firefly Media or the Celestials, please disregard the report.